Crime Doesn't Pay. . . Seriously, It Really Doesn't is the third episode of Stan Lee's Stripperella.
Plot[]
The episode opens up in a 89 cents store. A criminal named Cheap-o then bursts in and holds the place up. Out of fear the stores security guard picks up a baby and uses it as a shield begging Cheap-o not to shoot him. Cheap-o then begins to steal from the store and before leaving draws a cents sign on the cashiers head and tells her to spread the word that Cheap-o robbed them.
Stripperella is then show on a talk show hosted by a woman named Sally Rose. Sally then asks Stripperealla about her new animal rights foundation, and Stripperella tells her the name of her organization is Animals Need Universal Support (A.N.U.S.). Cheap-o then calls the station and lets Stripperella know that he's out of prison much to Stripperella's surprise. Cheap-o goes on to tell Stripperella that he plans on commiting his biggent crime yet. When Stripperella tells Cheap-o that she will stop him Cheap-o replies that if she gets in his way he'll kill her. After haging up Cheap-o and him men decide to go on a crime spree (but of course only steal very cheap items and junk).
Sometime later Roger, Giselle's father visits her at the strip club and is introduced to Erotica. Before going back to his table Roger angerly tells Giselle that she better strip good. Erotica then asks waht that was about and Giselle answers that her father is here with some of his clients. Giselle gets nervous however; Erotica assures her that she will do fine. However, during her dance Giselle trips and falls on one of her fathers clients causing him to lose the business deal. Roger then furiously tells Giselle that he is ashamed of her and walks out.
Later on Cheap-o has a meeting with his men and tells him that the worlds largest cubic zirconia diamond will be at the museum. Cheap-o then tells his henchmen his impossible plan to steal the diamond by wanting his two men to be at four places at once. One henchman points this out but Cheap-o ignores him. Cheap-o then tells his men that he is putting a hit on Stripperella for $8.00 and for them to spread the word. However, Cheap-o's men tell him that the price to hire a hitman is $50,000 and cheap-o decides to kill Striperella himself.
Erotica then sends Roger a message telling him to meet her at the strip club. When Roger arrives Eroticatells him that Giselle is dead and Roger begins to cry. However, Erotica reveals that Giselle really isn't dead and that she wanted to show Roger how much Giselle really means to him. At that moment Erotica's belly button begins to beep which alerts her that she is needed at FUGG headquarters. As Erotica runs off Roger pulls out his wallet and looks at a picture of Giselle and smiles.
Erotica then changes into her Stripperella costume and goes to FUGG headquarters and meets with Chief Stroganoff who is praticing his putting in his office. Stroganoff hits the golf ball to hard and it flies into the next room and shatters a giant monitor. Chief Stroganoff then goes onto tell Stripperella that Cheap-o is out of prison and that he wants her to recapture him. Chief Stroganoff then hits another golf ball and Stripperella ducks down to aviod it. However, her butt but gets burnt in the fire place. Stroganoff then has Stripperella go to the labratory to get her equipment. At the lab Stripperella gets her equimment and the nerdy scientist tell her that they made a "homing thong" for her but they need to make a mold of her ass. Stripperella says that they already made at least seven molds of her ass and wonders what happened to the other ones. Hal then says that Bernard took it home and broke it. At that moment another scientist named Jerry runs in and tells everyone that he just finished the greates invention of all time. It's a telephone however; it is over sized and has a rotary dial. Jerry then says that it weighs ten pounds and that you can take it anywhere because it doesn't have cords. Hel then tells Jerry that he's been locked down there for thirty years and that he needs come out and geta clue. Stripperella takes the phone and tells Jerry that it's great. The last weapon the scientist give stripperella is a penny disinttegrator. Chief Stroganoff then contacts Stripperella and tells her of a robbery at an old recycling plant. Stripperella then heads to the recycling plant.
A little while later Stripperella arrives at the recycling plant and confronts Cheap-o. Cheap-o then activates a giant magnet which attracts Stripperella's gadgets and traps her. Cheap-o then drops Stripperella into a giant glass soda bottle. Cheap-o then tells Stripperella that he plans to steal the world's largest cubic zirconia diamond. Cheap-o then starts to fill the giant bottle thousands of pennies in an attempt to kill Stripperella. Cheap-o then walks off despite his men's advide to stay and make sure she dies. Stripperella then attempts to use the penny disinttegrator but learns that it takes ten minutes to disintegrate one penny.
A few minutes later Cheap-o and his men break into the World's Largest Items Museum. At that moment Stripperella tries to use her laser lipstick to break out of the bottle. However, the laser just reflects off the glass. Stripperella then grabs her giant cell phone and throws it at the bottle and it breaks the glass allowing Stripperella to escape. A short while later Cheap-o is inside the museume and grabs the fake diamond. However, Stripperella arrives to stop him. Cheap-o and his ment then grab several large items in the museume such as a large pencil, a large key and large forks and knives and try to kill her. While Stripperella fights the henchmen, Cheap-o runs off. Stripperella is then able to use the world's largest stapler the staple the thugs to a giant book. After they are defeated Stripperella chases Cheap-o.
As Stripperella chases after Cheap-o's getaway car Cheap-o shoots at, but Stripperella is able to dodge the bullets.The car then runs out of gas and comes to a stop. Cheap-o then gets out of the car and threatens to throw the cubic zirconia diamond over the bridge and into the water. Cheap-o then accidently drops the diamond and Stripperella dives over the bridge after it. As Stripperella grabs the diamond she uses a grapple to swing back onto the bridge and captures Cheap-o. Stripperella then leaves Cheap-o for the police.
Back at the strip club a sad Giselle dances on stage. A man comes up behind her and places a dollar n her g-string and Giselle looks behind her to see that it is her father. A happy Giselle continues to dance. Roger then walks over to Erotica and thanks her. As Roger leaves Giselle runs over to Erotica and tells her that he tipped her with a one hundred dollar bill. As Erotica looks at the bill she notices that her father wrote something on it. Erotica then reads the message which says "To the world's greatest daughter and the worlds greatest stripper I'm glad your not dead, love daddy." Giselle then says that she can now buy a vibrating banana. Erotica then makes a joke about her father "not being cheap-o" which Giselle and the other girls don't get.
Cast[]
- Pamela Anderson Stripperella / Erotica Jones
- Jill Talley as Giselle
- Maurice LaMarche as Chief Stroganoff
- Jon Lovitz as Cheap-o
- Jillian Barberie as Sally Rose
- ? as Roger
- Tom Kenny as Hal
- Greg Proops as Bernard
- Stan Lee as Jerry